The Dukes

Butcher:  Bo and Luke Duke, I am telling you that was TV at the best.  Friday nights at home rocked back in the day.  Bo and Luke were HOT!!  I was convinced my first car would fly.  Sad to say my 1973 GOLD Ford LTD did not fly, and that one time when I ran a stop sign, well that wasn’t Roscoe P Coe Train picking me up.

CSM:  Not only were Bo and Luke HOT, Rob Schnieder could sing and tried a singing career.  I saw him in person.   I think this was also the show that encouraged me to outrun a cop once.  Wait, am I on the right site, this is the Dukes of Hazards confession site, isn’t it?

Butcher- Rob Schnieder in concert?  You were the cool kid on the block!!  Who knew?  I am telling you the Dukes were like the variety show of the 80’s, the 70’s had Hee Haw and the 80’s got the Dukes.  I mean to tell you the Dukes got the stars to come over and get picked up by Roscoe so they could end the show with some good ole country music.   

Candlestick Maker:  I’m thinking she should be labeled as Daisy Duke!

Butcher-  No doubt!   Daisy Duke had any male in the 80’s that was on the right side of the plate drooling!  She was the 80’s version of Barbie, and then put her in a hot car, with those short shorts, yep, boys and men alike had their engines revving over Daisy Duke.  Then there was J.D. Hogg, I am telling you so many MEN I know fit his description.......men who think they know what is going on when really they don’t have a clue.  Men who just tell someone else to go out and do their dirty work.  Lu Lu, you know she was the brains of the operation in her moo moo.  

Baker:   I am thinking I have missed a major portion of my life.  I watched the Dukes of course.  No, I take that  back.. I never watched it.  But I could put my children in front of it and they could go mind numb.  Almost every episode has a car chase scene.  This is the only show I know that the whole thing was a car chase.  I am thinking this is more suitable for cats. Cats like to chase things and a cat would be entertained.  No offense intended of course.  I DO remember Daisy Duke and the SHORTS.  And SHORT doesn’t even seem to be the correct word for those.   Then along came Jessica Simpson who played Daisy.  Obviously that was before her contract with weight watchers.   On the bright side... that makes me feel better.  From Daisy Duke to weight watchers.  Proof … shit happens!

The Candlestick Maker:  So let’s look at the big picture here.  I too was one that was raised with the action packed hour of duping the cops. There is some good that has come from all this though you know.  I’m pretty sure that many medication have been developed because of the show, the Dukes of Hazard.  Like meds for Authoritive Defiant individuals.  Or maybe programs like weight watchers or even rehab places for anorexic chics who attempted to look like Daisy Duke?  By the way, here are pictures of her today.  She is living proof that age, gravity sucks, and hot pants should never have been worn (this belongs in the “who knew” blog). But again certain lifts of certain body parts and facial features were probably developed because of the Dukes of Hazard.  Just think of what we wouldn’t have if it weren’t for Bo and Luke.  

Baker:  OH MY.... REST IN PEACE DAISY DUKE!

So here is how our blog works, one of us finds something halfway comical and starts writing on it, and then the next one picks up and adds funny.   Well.....it isn't always how things happen, read on and you will see what I have to deal with daily.  

Butcher:  Here kitty kitty.

Baker:  Where do find these pictures.....the family photo album?  

Butcher:  That cat was just looking for a place to cure an itch!  Yes, this is my Great Great Great Uncle Sid, he invented the first duck call.  

Baker:  So where is the duck?

Butcher:  The fox ate him hence the reason the fox is dead...duh!

The Candlestick Maker:  Huh???

Baker:  Hard to keep up with these brilliant minds isn’t it?

Yeah I think this is our best one so far.   It’s a TAKE!

LIKE I SAID, somedays we are funny, and somedays we are the only ones who think we are funny.......back to the grind my friends.

Follow that chicken????

Butcher:  Inspirational?  NO!!  I look at this picture in a whole other light.  Maybe....just maybe those HENS are looking to sink the rooster.  

Baker:  Oh yeah.  I can tell you they have been plotting mutiny for a long time.   You see leadership?   I see the women have had enough....   The rooster is walking the plank and the funniest part is... he thinks they are going to follow him.  OMG.  Duh!!! The question is ...what is on the other side waiting? Or do they pull the plank.  Men are so cocky!

Butcher:  My friend put this on facebook as an inspiration....I made her relook at the picture and she said I didn’t even know that it was a rooster.  Seriously, maybe they have followed him one too many places.  

Baker: Well we have all made that mistake a few too many times.  But I think this time they are thinking.. See the huddle.  Hen talk.  Males need to beware when there is hen talk. Although there is one hen that seems to be falling.... That is the desperate female. Someone save her!!

Butcher:  That is the problem with us “hens” we have those weak moments where we look around and we want what others have without really knowing what it is that others have.  The grass is always greener on the other side type theory.  But when you look at that grass, double check for the CRABGRASS, the GRUBS, the brown spots what are those all about.  I tell you that grass isn’t perfect my friend, it isn’t tended by someone that a WOMAN has hired or that woman herself is tending that grass.  

Baker:  I was looking at that quote again and THAT bothers me.  Why is it assumed that it is the Rooster doing the “showing.”  Let’s look at this in a different way. MAYBE it is the hens that have been doing the showing.  Because lets face it... when somethings needs to be done right or  shown how to do.. it is probably a female.  So here it is:  The hens have shown this rooster over and over and over time after time how to cross the plank.  AND every time he tries, he messes it up, and they have to send him back to start over. HOWEVER, being the male he is, he continues  to THINK he has done it right and REFUSES to change his method  ( note the posture.... cocky) even when experience shows otherwise.  The hens, being the patient people they are, have tried, but there doesn’t appear to be much hope.  Let’s face it..... Sometimes you just can’t fix stupid.  This adage often applies to men as well as roosters.

The Candlestick Maker:  Oh, the Butcher and the Baker, don’t you see it. The caption is perfect.  The batch of hens are the smart ones.  The smart people of the world always send the weak, arrogant one first.  Then when they get eaten up by “the fox” they learn from the weak, arrogant one’s ways and know not to follow.  They tweak the path and continue on with their successful life.

Baker:  By gosh.. you may have something there.  The Rooster goes to the slaughter!  There is a certain poetic justice here.  And.... of course....  the hens live happily ever after.

Roughing it as a kid (Making it Rough on our kids)

Butcher- Back when I was a kid Shasta was the hit.

Baker:  OH yeah! Shasta.  Now they name kids that.  When I see a child named Shasta... I see Root Beer, Black Cherry, and Cream Soda.  Seriously would you name your child Black Cherry?  People need to google names before they go there... Sorry I regressed... Just needed to get that off my chest.

Butcher--  We had pop one week a year, mom would buy 4 cans for a dollar and we would be allowed SHASTA for our lunches at Bible school.  We would spend 20 minutes wrapping that soda in tin foil for our lunch, only to get to lunch and it be as warm as ever.  

CSM:  WE only got pop like 3 times a year.  Unless we went to the bowling alley.  Then we’d get strawberry pop.  I still love strawberry pop.

Baker:  You got to admit though … at 25 cents a can... they couldn’t afford to put any addictive ingredients in it.  That is key today.  Put something addictive in it like caffeine and you can corner the market on kids addiction.  (or the Butcher’s addiction) She thinks she actually likes diet coke on ice... truth is she is an Addict.  And it ain’t the ice baby.  Addict.. with all the bells and whistles.   Then you charge 2.00 a bottle and Americans are under the influence of the Coke Cartel.  Hot dogs, baseball, apple pie, and Coke addicts. That’s America.

CSM:  And then there theory is that after we have them all addicted to the caffeine that they can’t do without, they will realize that one Coke a day is not enough.  So, they will make even more money because you will need 2 and 3 and 4 Cokes a day to fill that addiction.  But wait, that still won’t be good enough, that’s when we pop out the little bottles of energy drinks for $5.00 a shot.  Yeah, they are small, but heck it will fix that caffeine craving, and we’ll make even more money.  The Baker, you are correct, we are under the influence of the Coke Cartel and our government says it is legal!  So now we better change the title of this from “roughing it as a kid” to “making it rough on our kids”.

Da da da!!!

Butcher and the Baker...

Butcher- So if the Baker gets the last word, I am going to get the first.  This dog is obviously a female.... for so many reasons.  But yet sometimes we just need to look beyond our door and realize that we need each other.  

Baker-  And what makes you think it is a female?

Butcher- She is wearing a CAPE DUH!!!  Ever see Blazing Saddles?  We don’t need no stinking badges.  Come on you remember the line.  Well, in the theme.. we don’t need no CAPE.  Ever send a man to look for something, and they come back with nothing.  My husband has been on the look for a remote for the TV for three days now, seriously you would think it was one of his appendages. And, being from the farm and watching the animals ---HUG, I can tell this on is obviously the HUGGIE, not the HUGGER.  

Baker : Whoa sista.. lets talk about this...   obviously you have some buried aggression here.  First of all … that is what men do... they look for remotes.  Why?  because it’s there.. or in this case … not there.  A missing remote can keep men busy for days.  HOWEVER.. it also puts them in a state of rage that can be dangerous to others who reside there.  Now, I can remember the days where you had to get up and change the channel... but then we only had 3 channels, so “ay there’s the rub.”  If we were smart … we would capitalize on this.  A remote that can be fastened to them... velcroed to their ass... so when they sit down it says... “here I am.”  OR... an antidote for lost remotes.  Tablet form.... you put is under their tongue and it dissolves... and they bypass the TV phase and go directly to snoring in front of the TV. I am telling you.... there is a fortune to be made...   Lesson learned is:  A dog in a cape is worth two in the bush.

Butcher:  Speaking of fortunes to be made, I am thinking of a male training program available to mothers.  I am training my son to be able to look for things.  I tell him bend at the waist, move your head back and forth and look side to side.  I have also trained him to run a vacuum.  But I have to repeat time and time again what he needs to do to get the job finished, I fear that the Y chromosome is weaker than we once knew.  

CSM:  Let’s go back to the picture the Butcher and the Baker.  It is obviously a male.  It is a male after too many drinks.  Did you read the caption?  That is exactly how the conversations go after a long evening of too many males gathered at one place.  If it was female, the words would not have to be stated, it would just be obvious to all.  Definitely a male.

SINKHOLES

Baker:  Another sinkhole appears.  This one swallowed  a guy on the golf course.  He was one over par when SLUURRPPP .. and he was gone.   I have heard golf stories... where someone loses their ball, but today someone lost a golfer.  This is the kind of story men bring home to their wives.... trying to explain why he was late.. …  he proceeds to tell his wife he was late because they had to extract their buddy from an 18 feet deep sinkhole.    Yeah right and what were you drinkin?   This sinkhole problem has really got me thinkin.   I mean what are the chances of this happening, and yet it has happened twice in the last 2 weeks.. What is the message here.  I mean one guy was lying in his bed and the ground swallowed him.  Is there something Blblical here.   Jonah and the whale maybe.   You gotta think.... what am I supposed to learn from this.    I am welcoming your ideas.

The Candlestick Maker:  My thoughts are:   Some wives have all the luck

Or some comedian has new material to base their jokes on:

    You know you are having a bad day when. . . . you are laying in bed and ground opens up and swallows you up.

You know you are having a bad day when. . . .   you are 1 under par and ground opens up and swallows you up.  

Baker:  Now that is looking at the bright side of things.   

The Candlestick Maker:  Hey, Baker, I think we should go check the Butcher’s house.  I think a sinkhole may have swallowed her up because she hasn’t posted in a few days.  Do you think we should call 911?

Butcher:  You know what I am here, unbelieving you went to sink hole status.  See I take a little break and I come back and see the depths that you SINK too......I therefore must be the sole entity bringing you guys to the amazing level you are when I am around.  Maybe this is the devil’s way of trying to bring people to him?  I therefore see your fate!

Baker:  Well CSM.... she actually disappeared for 2 days, only to be found somewhere around Target in Omaha, NE.  I was thinking sinkhole.. but she rises.... though it is the season... so I suppose it is possible.  But please, Butcher, don’t get any ideas that you are anywhere near that miracle person.  After all, the pope position wasn’t open to you for a reason.

Baker:  Miracle worker at creating a disappearing act. Now back to the sinkhole... I am thinking this is definitely a divine intervention.  When the earth swallows you, you got to think... WOW... ok.....Must be now huh?  No warning, no debate.... just burial.  Which you must admit is cheaper..  Could really irritate the funeral business.  

But... with the golfer .. I think that one was a warning... it is divine intervention saying   Hey... you... I am going to give you one more warning.  This is it.  One over or not.... go home and spend time with your wife and kids.  The golf course as a hazard area is not symbolic.  I have spoken.  Then I am picturing some ground hog... laughing his a.. off.  

Anyway.... my point “When the earth swallows you, pay attention, and know, it is either your time to exit, or change your ways.” AMEN.

Technology

Butcher:  Ever think that technology is ruining society as we know it?  Think of all the things that we miss because we are wrapped up in technology.  

Baker:  How would anyone know... they are too wrapped up in technology.  I had a friend once who said she missed the entire Watergate scandal because she was raising children.    Now that I wouldn’t have mind missing... it dragged on forever....Kinda like OJ. And raising children is a worthwhile distraction.  But yeah.. this thing of texting the person next to you is hard for me to get.  I have a whole imagination of what our species will evolve into because of parts of us we aren’t using.  Won’t need anything but thumbs for sure. And verbal communication will be a thing long forgotten.  Think.... Sylvester Stallone in Rocky but worse.

CSM:  Ok, so Baker, now I’m imagining our species with hoof like hands since we will only need thumbs to text and push buttons and the other half of the hoof to hold up the device.  That means we will have to change everything in our World.  We will have to have watering tanks and feed bunks because we won’t have hands to hold glasses and silverware.  That means we’ll have to rely on monkeys, the specie most like man, to prepare our meals to throw into the feed bunk because they will still have real hand like features because they do not use technology.  So it will be almost like evolution moving backwards.  Does that mean that we will eventually return back to the age of the dinosaurs?

Baker:  I think you are onto something.  

Butcher:  I want a T-Rex as a pet, I promise I will take care of him.

Candlestick Maker:  You know, humans will not exist by the time the dinosaurs return, therefore it is not theoretically possible for you to have a T-Rex for a pet.  Just saying!

Baker :  Hmm well we could capitalize on this:  RexSmart or T-Rex or Us.